How Will I Finish?

As many of you know, I grew up as a preacher's kid. Most of my life centered around the church.  I did what was expected by my church. I wore the church clothes, and I played my part. It was all I knew then.  My father was obsessive about the church.  It was his life.  Unfortunately, my father left the church after the organization leaders betrayed him.  The events that happened after over 40 years of ministry was the last straw for my parents.

I had my own path which also led to me leaving the church.  I was living a miserable life and suffering from severe depression.  A culmination of events caused me to also leave the church.

I left the church, but I didn’t leave God. I don’t regret growing up in church, I just regret that I didn’t encounter God sooner.  

I’m still figuring things out. I know I have hurt and disappointed people along the way, but I don’t think any of us gets through life without scars. This has been my journey.  I wonder many times how it will all end for me. I want to finish strong. I want my life to mean something.

Life is about our choices.  We all have free will to make them. Sometimes we make the right choice and many times we do not. We can only do the best that we can and make the decision on what we know.  The part that scares us is the unknown.  I have tried to learn to just keep moving forward and have faith that God will work things out.

I once listened to several preachers but now I only listen to a few. Sadly, when they become political, I cut them out. I don’t want to hear Christian nationalism; I want to hear from God. The audio Bible has often become my sermons now. Listening without being slanted by someone’s opinion.  

When my time ends, I want to say that I have finished my race strong.  

We are all getting older. It doesn’t last forever. We have to focus on what is really important. For me, my eternal destination is the most important thing to me. I have had my career, my adventures and experiences.  

Certainly, I have had some interesting stories about the church but I can tell you that you don’t have to be crazy or any sort of religious nut to have a personal relationship with God. You just have to talk to Him and open yourself up to the experience that only you can have with Him. You don’t have to be a member of a political party or even attend church. I have attended many hours of church, held many positions in the church and done the things that others expected but those things aren’t the main thing.

I heard a song recently and the lyrics say:

It ain't about the church clothes
It ain't about a big show
It ain't about the doin' up to measure up
To earn the love, Lord knows
Heaven ain't a zip code
Take me where the light goes
It ain't about the church clothes
Church clothes, church clothes

Your own relationship with God is the main thing.  It's the only thing that matters.  Don't neglect it or ignore it.  God doesn't want your perfect attendance in church, He wants you.

Subway Stories

Riding on the New York City subway system is convenient but it also has its challenges.

One of the challenges are the crazies that we have encountered so far.

Here is an exchange of text messages between me and my wife on our last ride:

Me: The guy across from me is creeping me out. I am avoiding eye contact
Crystal: Yeah he keeps staring Just don’t get up to get off until the train stops.

We have learned to take decisive actions when it gets too creepy. We have a code word which means that we get off at the next stop and change cars or wait for the next subway. We have had to do this a few times.

Another thing we do is to always act like we know where we are going. Don’t act that we are lost or confused.

When waiting for a subway we also stay away from the edge of the platform. There have been too many instances where people have been pushed onto the tracks.

Overall, the subways are safe if you just stay aware of your surroundings. We try not to take any unnecessary chances or put ourselves in bad situations. Unfortunately, the crazies are out there. They either need medication or they have had too much medication.

I have learned a lot about the subway in the past nine months we have lived here but I am not a pro and there is still a lot to learn.

I will say it has been nice to finally live in a place with transit options. I don’t drive as much as I did in the past. I only need to gas up our car about once a month.

On our recent ride and the creepy guy staring intently at me, we waiting until the subway stopped completely at our stop and the doors opened before we jumped off.

I don’t understand people. There are a lot of crazies out there. I’m sure we will encounter more.

When God Is Silent

The hardest part of being a believer is the times when God is silent.

Sure, resisting temptations, dealing with pain, death and unanswered prayers are difficult but the times when God is silent are some of the hardest times in the life of a believer.  I hate these seasons.  

No, God doesn't speak to me in an audible voice but He will often make himself known in other ways.  

I have been through many of these "silent" seasons and when I realize I am in one, I look forward to when it will be over.  

The silent times are important in our lives because it is a time when God tests our faith in Him.  Will we continue to believe when there is radio silence between us?  These are also times which reinforce our dependence on Him.  Many times He is teaching us something in the silence.

One thing I have learned to do in these seasons of silence is to hang on and push through it.  I remind myself of what God has done in my life.  During the silence we have to go back to the basics of reading the Bible, continue to pray and listen to encouraging music.  I can't tell you how many times just listening to music has kept me going.

The silence gives us a time to reflect and examine ourselves.  Sometimes we gloss over some things in ourselves that we need to resolve.  We don't like to see the negative things about ourselves.  The silence becomes a microscope on our thoughts, feelings and emotions.  

Even in the silence, God is working behind the scenes on our behalf.  He hasn't left us.  He promised that He would never leave us or forsake us.  He's not absent, just silent.

So when do we know when the silence is over?  For me, I discover a new song that speaks to me or I will hear someone speak a word and in some very rare instances, I will get a direct email or message from someone or I will simply sense that He is known to me again.

 I came across this video clip which really nails it down: https://youtube.com/shorts/DTBPrkuRn-s?si=y5XxszOxfLqV33Bv

Be encouraged and keep pressing through.