When You Need A Miracle

We pray for miracles. We wait - many times impatiently - for our prayers to be answered. We are painfully aware that sometimes the miracle doesn't come.

I believe in miracles. I believe in praying for miracles. Many people don't.

I'm in a place right now that I am waiting for the miracle. It's a whole lot easier to believe in miracles when you don't need one.

I have heard the sermons about healing, stories of miracles and claims people make about God answering prayers. Believing is hard especially when you are in the place where you can't see it. I don't see it. Honestly my belief is being put to the test. Will my God deliver? Am I believing foolishly in a miracle?

I have come to understand that I have absolutely no control over this. I can't make God do a darn thing. I can't make any deals or manipulate Him into answering my prayers in the way I want them to be answered.

Do I even know HOW to pray? I will be honest and say I have had that question in my head. All of my years in church and believing, am I even praying right?

In addition to that...I also ask the question: Who am I? I am a nobody in this world of billions of people. Why would God hear my prayers? I'm not anybody special. I'm not a preacher or any spiritual leader in anything.

I'm just floundering a bit right now. I'm worried the miracle won't come. It's hard to stay positive when others around you don't believe.

God can do whatever He wants to do however He wants to do it. So this is where we are. What does God what to do here? I can only do what I can do and just leave the rest up to God.

I find myself praying and pleading with God but does it matter? Has the ending already been decided whether I pray or not. It is a difficult place when you are standing in the fiery furnace of your life.

As painful as it is for me, I have to release the need for control. I have to acknowledge my human limitations and knowing that I can't script the outcome. It is completely normal to struggle with God's will when it conflicts with your own hopes.

When we are in the place where we need a miracle, we have to try to find that resolve that God knows what He is doing even if we don't agree. It's not an easy place to be in but we can only do what we can do and leave the results to Him.

 

Thoughts about Living in New York

It has been over a year now that my wife and I decided to move to New York. If I am totally honest, I did not want to move here when the idea was formed shortly after the last presidential election. I eventually warmed up to the move and now we are here.

I am okay with it.

Do I love it? I wouldn't say that but I do think this is the best places I have lived so far.

After living most of my life in the South, this move was an adjustment for me. My Southern accent gives me away many times.

Speaking of accent...One of the biggest things that surprised me has been the problems with communicating. English is not the default language here. There are many ethnic groups here who speak their native languages and many times that has been difficult to navigate. Just because someone says they understand English doesn't necessary mean they do. It's not like living in a foreign country but living in many countries in one place. While communicating can be a challenge at times, I just do my best and try to have more patience.

Living in New York is a bit extra. What I mean by that is anything you do requires just an extra bit of aggravation getting it done. I have had to just simply expect something to be a hassle. I don't like it but I just know it will be something extra to deal with.

It's very chaotic here but there is also a lot to do and so many places to explore in the city and on Long Island. We have already done a lot but there is so much more to see and do. One of the things you can expect about living here is that there will be a LOT of people so you have to expect crowds especially if it is a special event. Even the most obscure thing can create lengthy lines and draw large crowds.

New York is also the most expensive place we have lived. We knew this before we moved but I can tell you that this is also more than you expect. Renting is crazy. We are paying double for rent for what we did for our house mortgage in Tennessee. They also tax you like crazy here. Not only do we pay state tax but there is also a city tax. That last one dinged me at tax time. Fortunately when we renewed our lease, the landlord only went up $50 per month but I'm still not sure what we are going to do in near future.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear...I absolutely HATE driving here. You have never experienced driving like here. This is the worst driving I have seen anywhere. People will do anything at anytime just to take a shortcut or just simply being impatient. They also honk their horns a lot more here than anywhere else I have been. I hate driving here and refuse to drive into the city. It’s bad but you really don’t have to drive. I always dread when I have to drive here and I have refused to drive in the city.

Fortunately I don't have to drive because we have many other options with the subway, train, bus, taxi and rideshare that is available. They all have their pros and cons as well. Once you learn how to navigate the subways, it is one of the best options to get around. Riding the subway costs $3.00 but people still jump the turnstiles to avoid paying. Yes...for THREE dollars. That's probably the downside for riding the subway. You will experience anything. We have encountered some crazies at times. The city isn't clearly doing enough there.

We have done a lot of walking here. Although there are subways, there are many times we have still had to do a lot of walking to get to places in between. Walking in New York is an experience too. The main thing about walking that annoys me is people not walking on the right side. They will walk right into you or over you. No one gets out of the way so you have to just adapt and navigate yourself when you are walking the sidewalks here. You've heard of road rage? Well, you can definitely get "walking rage" here.

Yes, living in New York is a lot. You have to have the mindset about living here and the expectations. It's not a calm life. Will we stay here? Probably not. We simply won't be able to afford to live here for the long term but we are enjoying it while we can. Where will we go next? I don't really know.

If I had advice for anyone considering a move to New York City:

Cons

• Living here is not the same as visiting here as a tourist
• It is going to be more expensive than you think
• LOTS of people everywhere all the time
• Different languages are spoken here. Communication can be a problem.

Pros

• There is a lot to do here.
• You don't have to drive. There are many other options to get to where you need to be.
• It is a unique experience and adventure
• There are beaches within an hour

#62

 

Start the parade.  I am 62 today.

Yep.  I am now officially eligible to draw social security.  Wow.  What a milestone right?  Although I am not going to start drawing on it yet, it is quite strange to know that I could.  I still remember when I was eager to get my driver's license, graduating from high school and other milestones in my life.  

Now I am here.

It has been quite a life so far.  I am in a good place now although I never dreamed I would be where I am today.  Life takes many twists and turns along the way.  We make decisions which affect our lives.  Some good.  Some bad.  It all works together to where we are today.

When I reflect on my 62 years I see the mistakes I have made and the regrets I have but I also see the amazing things I have experienced in my life.  I have met some good people and I have suffered from the terrible people.  The difficult people have definitely taught me lessons.  I have learned that having the right people in your life makes all the difference.  If there is one life lesson I could tell you is that make sure you are surrounded by good people.  We waste too much time with unnecessary drama that some people bring into our lives.  Also, even if they are family it doesn't mean you have to have them in your lives either.  Being related to someone doesn't obligate you to have a relationship with them. 

Another wisdom to share is to find the right person to spend your life with and for the right reasons.  When we are young and in love we have these ideals of what it means but you want to marry the person who will love you regardless of your looks, money or any material possessions.  You need the person who will love YOU.  Too many young people fall in love for looks, sex and passion but there comes a time when all that fades away so you need to have a relationship that isn't based on that.  Believe me, as I sit here as a 62 year-old man, I don't look or feel the same as I did when I was 18.  This is part of life and I wouldn't want anyone who only loved the outside of me.

At 62 I am still working.  I did retire from a previous job but the reality is that a retirement annuity isn't enough to live on.  I figure I will be working until I get to the point where I can't anymore.  Fortunately I am still able and have been successful in my jobs.  I feel like I am at a good place right now.  

You have to appreciate your life.  I wasted too many years sad and unhappy until I made some life changing decisions many years ago to decide to be happy and stop worrying about the unfulfilled expectations of others to be happy.  We only have one life to live so we need to make our lives the best that we can make it.  We don't have to be miserable and we don't have to chase the approval of others.  

"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." — Abraham Lincoln