Can We Talk?

It was a pivotal time in my life and I was standing in the parking lot with someone I had respected. I was dealing with some issues and I needed to talk.  I was going to take a chance to open up about what I was going through. As I was approaching the subject, I noticed that he kept looking at his watch as I was talking. He was late for his next item in his to-do list. 

I let it go.

I often think back to that parking lot moment. I have no lingering animosity about this encounter but it made me realize how important it can be available for someone.

We never know what someone is going through or the weight they are carrying. Unfortunately we let life get in the way sometimes.

I hope I can always be the person someone can talk to if they need someone. I don’t assume that I have all the answers but one thing I can do is to listen. Sometimes that’s all people need. They need someone to listen.

There was a time that I would often get frustrated when I needed to vent and the person I was venting to would always defend the opposing side to my issue. It didn’t matter I didn’t want that I just needed an ear.

We live in a time where people are quick to voice their opinion but have difficulty to listen. You also don’t want to make the mistake of posting something online. Another extra point here is not to post all of your business for the world to read.

So who do you talk to when you need a friend? Someone you trust to listen without judgment?

I am blessed today that I have someone who listens to me who I can trust. They won’t look at their watch or smartphone either. 

Why is it so hard to be that friend? Because it takes patience to listen without trying to be a “fixer”.

When someone confides in you, you should treasure that trust. There is a French word for it called “confidant” which means a person with whom one shares a secret or private matter, trusting them not to repeat it to others.

Repeating it to others…now THERE is a key component to this altogether. It’s also important to not only be listener but also have restraint from being a repeater.

I think we have all has people who have told some things to others that we trusted them not to repeat. That’s a betrayal that hurts beyond words.

So how can you and I be better confidants?

Here are some pointers I have found:

Ask open-ended questions

These allow someone to explain themselves, and reveal any details at a level they feel comfortable with. You can ask questions like “What’s troubling you?” and “How do you feel about ____?” These types of questions can’t be answered as a simple yes/no, and lets a person know that you are willing to listen to details.

Observe body language

This can help you gauge if someone is feeling really anxious, uncomfortable, or ashamed. Some common signs are turning away while speaking or physically closing themselves off (like crossing their arms). Other signs could indicate a fight-or-flight response, such as talking quickly or in a much higher pitch than usual.

Be patient

Confiding in someone takes time and trust. Wait to build a relationship where both parties can feel comfortable in taking part in the conversation.

Know your boundaries

Just listen to what’s being shared. Understanding and respecting someone’s boundaries in what they are willing to share helps to ensure that the confiding person feels more comfortable.

Don’t offer advice (unless it’s being asked for)

Most people just want to be heard, not necessarily told what they should do next. Unsolicited advice is rarely followed, and given that a confidant may not know all of the details of a situation being shared, can even backfire. This isn’t to say that advice is always a bad thing — simply realize that having a friend listen to them may be all a friend really wants!

Don’t gossip

Under NO circumstances should you repeat what someone confides in you unless they give you permission to do so. Repeating what someone tells you in confidence violates the whole integrity of being a confidant.

You don’t need a degree in psychology to be a good confidant to someone. Just BE there and BE present for them. I could give you a bunch of Bible references about being a good listener and confidant but this is not just limited to people who go to church. We can ALL be trustworthy listens and be the person others can lean on during their troubled times.

The Unknown Battles

We live in some tough times.

So many people deal with battles that we don't see. We are oblivious to the fact that people around us are going through things.

Sadly, there are some who are ticking bombs. Their internal battles will push them to either harm themselves or others.

Social media and smartphones have isolated us as we only focus on our friends or followers. People outside of our circle are invisible. Their existence and battles are insignificant to us.

The photo in the picture was one I took of a guy who was in line in front of me to board a plane. I took the photo and then I told him I liked the message. I ended up sitting next to him and he shared a website where I ordered the same shirt.

The group which makes these shirts is called the Til Valhalla project. "Valhalla" refers to "the hall of the Fallen" in Norse mythology. Their mission is to honor military veterans who have fallen. They donate a portion of their proceeds towards providing therapy to struggling veterans. For more information and to visit their store go to: https://tilvalhallaproject.com/

We all could use a reminder. It doesn’t take much to look for reasons to be nice to others, but it seems to be difficult. We never seem to see that God orders our steps to put us in a position to touch others and we completely miss it. Divine appointments are special and gives us a chance to be the people that this world needs.

Our world is in desperate need of kindness not violence. We need to look to do good, not so quick to grab a gun to settle things. The Message Bible tells us to "make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)

You don’t have a calling to be used of God to help others. It’s not just limited to preachers, and it doesn’t take any special training. You just need to do it. Instead of looking THROUGH people, we need to look TO people and offer compassion. We may never know what kind of effect a kind word or act of kindness will impact someone. People we encounter have a backstory that we know nothing about. We CAN make a difference by being a light to someone else.

I will be honest with you. This is easier to do when you're not hungry, have a headache or temperature isn’t right. Sometimes it is more difficult than other times when you don't feel like it.

Compassion and kindness are closely linked. Compassion can be defined as “heartfelt sympathy or empathy toward those who are suffering or in need.” Kindness is the helpful spirit that sees someone else in need and is motivated to respond through good deeds. Kindness is the tangible action that results from compassion. Kindness goes beyond mere words; it translates into helping and serving one another.  (GotQuestions.org)

Everyday people pass us by.  Some are filled with pain or despair.  They may either put up a fake smile to hide their pain or scowl on their brow to show the weight of what they are carrying.  We can be the light in their world.  We have all been there with our own private battles and pain.  None of us are exempt from it.  It's certainly time to be the reason that someone has hope to win their inner battles.

Beware of the Eclipse Prophets

I seriously need to stop scrolling my social media.

Over the last few days, I have been getting an overdose of self-titled “prophets” who are proclaiming that God has told them something about the upcoming solar eclipse on Monday. They each have their own special insider information about it from God or from some revelation from Bible verses.

Please...make it stop!

I have experienced my share of exposure to end-times prophecies in my lifetime. Growing up in church, I have just about seen and heard them all.

As a young child I remember my mother proclaiming that the Lord was coming back when she saw some fire in the night sky in Valdosta, Georgia in 1970. It was - in fact - the result of the explosion of Apollo 13.

There was also a time in the 70s when the Christian movie “A Thief in the Night” about the rapture made its rounds which scared people into thinking the end was here.

It was not.

In my lifetime alone, there have been many prophets who have come and gone with their outlandish claims about the coming end times. Today’s social media makes it even easier for them to make their claims.

Even I fell for the Y2K hype during the late 1990s and we see how that went.

I do believe we are approaching the end times, but we can’t fall for these crazy things people are saying about natural events. Some of these things may be a sign of some sort but I don’t believe they are the sign these prophets want to sell you.

Here’s what the Message translation says about the end times when the disciples asked him about signs in Matthew 24:

Jesus said, “Watch out for doomsday deceivers. Many leaders are going to show up with forged identities, claiming, ‘I am Christ, the Messiah.’ They will deceive a lot of people. When reports come in of wars and rumored wars, keep your head and don’t panic. This is routine history; this is no sign of the end. Nation will fight nation and ruler fight ruler, over and over. Famines and earthquakes will occur in various places. This is nothing compared to what is coming. They are going to throw you to the wolves and kill you, everyone hating you because you carry my name. And then, going from bad to worse, it will be dog-eat-dog, everyone at each other’s throat, everyone hating each other. In the confusion, lying preachers will come forward and deceive a lot of people. For many others, the overwhelming spread of evil will do them in—nothing left of their love but a mound of ashes.

The solar eclipse is not THE end times, but I think you can agree by reading the passage above that we have more than enough signs to know we are already there.

Some have claimed that the eclipse seven years ago and the one to occur on Monday creates an "X" mark on the United States in which prophets allege some significance. Also, the fact that the eclipse will pass over seven cities named "Nineveh" which was a Biblical city in the Book of Jonah which was called to repent or be destroyed. The number "7" also gets the prophets wrangled up on that.

If these prophets are so good about these "numbers" they should try to play the lottery.

Sorry, I couldn't resist that one.

What is going to be interesting to see is when the eclipse passes and these prophecies turn out to be false, how many will go back on their social media pages and repent? I venture to say NONE of them will or they will move the goalpost and seek to re-interpret the meanings of their prophecies.

Aside from these quacks, I do believe that Jesus will be returning. Will it be on Monday or some 40 days after Monday? No one really knows. The Bible even tells us that. (Matthew 24:36)

Don't let these TikTok prophets rattle you. The best thing we can do is to always be ready. Keep calm and trust that God is in control. We don't have to understand it and God isn't going to give us any insider information. When the time comes, and God decides to send a sign we will know it. You won't need to get it from social media.