Thoughts About Unanswered Prayers

It was a simple prayer. An easy ask.

I prayed that God would divinely appoint us with the right Uber driver to a medical appointment.

Prayer was not answered.

It was an awful drive. Totally opposite of what I had asked.

Could God not answer this simple, easy request for me?

He did not.

I have no answer for this.

You can’t assume anything when you pray. You pray. Sincerely ask and there is no guarantee that you will receive what you ask for.

I sit here without any answer for this. Where is God when you ask for something simple as a stress-free Uber ride?

I will be honest with you. Right now I am not handling this too well. I’m not asking for anything from you. I just want to show you the real life of a believer.

The reality is that you don’t always get answers to your prayers. I’m not giving up, I’m just a little tired of this. I’m questioning if I even know HOW to pray. Why can’t I have powerful prayers that will get God’s attention?

Does it even matter if I pray for something as silly as getting the right Uber driver?

It may seem like a silly thing to you but if you are in my place and my situation you would see it differently. Some things we blow off as silly are huge to some people.

When God is silent or doesn’t answer prayers as we expect, it can be deeply painful.

I mean why would He tell us to ask, seek and knock if He weren’t going to answer? Why does God tell us to pray about everything when He knows that many of our requests will go unanswered and results in our diminishing trust in Him?

What’s up with this?

I simply don’t get it.

He already knows how stressful these Uber rides have been so does it even matter if I pray about this at all? The big question is: am I making things worse by praying for them in the first place?

So, you see, being a believer isn’t all about everything going my way and living in a total cloud of holiness with every step I take being anointed with some supernatural power. I wish I could be like some of these people I see who are heavenly minded and in a constant praise and worship service. Speaking in tongues and nothing bothering them.

This isn’t working for me.

One simple ask which was denied.

Christian cliches aren’t helping me right now. The only thing that will help are real answers to prayer.

“Who am I that You are mindful of me” is a famous Bible verse in Psalm 8:4 where King David wrote while wondering why the creator of the universe would even care for him as a human.

Why would God answer my prayers? In a world of billions, how does God even know me? Is Milton’s prayers worth answering or even listening to?

That is a question you wonder during the storms in your life.

I’m being real. Nothing holy about this and nothing really inspiring for you to take from my meager writing in an insignificant blog.

Whether I ask or not, I will face the same obstacles tomorrow. Will I continue to pray? Yes. I know nothing else. There is no other place to go.

Being Brave While Being Scared

"Being brave doesn’t mean you aren’t scared."

I heard this quote in a movie last week. This is very timely and appropriate for my life right now.

I have many moments over the past four months when I have been scared but I have had to push through it. I haven’t felt very brave. I have had to face everyday being scared. It hasn’t been an easy road.

We don’t always have a choice about being brave. We don’t normally choose to run into things that scare us. It is our tendency to avoid anything which causes us pain.

Being brave means that you face each moment. You fight the battles as they come. When your days and weeks are a roller coaster of emotions, you simply do your best to hang on and ride it out.

I am one that believes in God. My faith has been tested. I have been strong at times but most of the time I have barely had enough to force out a prayer. Tough times wear you down. You learn that you can’t depend on others to help you. Their priority is not what you are going through. You do it alone. You trust God that it will end well.

Sometimes you have no choice but to be brave. I’m not expecting any medals. I just want to get through this.

These times change you. Sometimes for the better and sometimes it wounds your spirit. This time has challenged my faith. I will never be the same after this.

I wake up every day scared in anticipation of what the day will bring. I hope for the good but brace myself for the worst. I try to listen to God’s voice but at times it has been drowned out by voices of fear. Maybe I’m not so brave. I’m no spiritual giant. I’m just Milton. A product of two generations of preachers. A pedigree which means nothing right now.

My life is consumed with test results and trust in medical science. My so-called bravery is in waiting and trusting the process. Being brave is not the absence of fear, but choosing to take action and move forward despite feeling afraid or uncomfortable.  It doesn't always mean doing some heroic feat but just getting up each day and showing up.  

When ALL You Can Do Is Pray

Many times when I have prayed for myself or others, I have caught myself saying “All I can do is pray”. In reality praying is the MOST we can do!

We must never underestimate the power of prayer. I’m not talking about the “thoughts and prayers” type of prayers, I mean when we truly pray.

The problem we have with prayer sometimes is that we think it is a means of getting what we want. Obviously we pray earnestly for our needs but ultimately the results depend on God. His will and His timing. We cannot manipulate God to get what we want.

I often feel like my prayers lack the power and effectiveness that others seem to experience. I never have these supernatural results. I struggle with doubt in how I am praying and searching for the words to use. We falsely assume there are some magical abracadabra words that will make things happen.

The Bible says that the effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man gets it done. (James 5:16) I am good with the effectual and fervent part but I don't think I am righteous enough to feel confident enough to feel that I am availing much.

Regardless, I continue to pray. I have been around long enough to know that regardless of how I feel, I must not give up on prayer. We still ask, seek and knock on the door. If that’s ALL we can do then we should give it our ALL. It’s not the words that we use or don’t use but the condition of our spirit and our heart.

I have tried to have the mindset to pray until something changes. Just pray and leave the results to God. I don’t want to just pray a list but have a relationship with God so that I feel the prayer, not just speak it.

Prayer is vitally important. We must put forth our best effort. I may not do it right or like the religious people do but I just do it. It is ALL that I can do.