Patrick Lannigan was not happy with my choice.
Patrick was the bus bully and he didn’t like that I was sitting in “his” seat.
“That’s my seat,” he barked at me.
“I couldn’t find another seat,” I answered.
“That’s not my problem,” he replied. “Move”
He was ready to fight me…..over a seat on the school bus.
I gave in and moved.
I faced three fears that day, getting in trouble for fighting, getting beat up or being made fun of. The term introvert didn’t exist then.
Over the years, I have travelled back in time to that moment many times in my mind with a different outcome. That’s what introverts do. We replay moments where we wish we would have stood up for ourselves.
Hello, my name is Milton and I am an introvert.
They didn’t call us introverts back then. I was mostly described as quiet, reserved or sheltered. There are many times I should have stood up for myself (like the incident I described above) but I didn’t.
I was one that was bullied, picked on or made fun of. When your bus stop is in front of the church where your Dad is the pastor, you become fair game for the bullies. My life was always on display as a child. I learned to observe before putting myself out there. I was extremely worried that people would make fun of me - and they did.
I have learned to live with myself and the way I am. I won’t say that I have embraced myself for being an introvert but I’m fine with who I am and have learned to have certain expectations about how I am viewed and treated. Most introverts have these things in common as well.
I have always been the one who has to make the effort in maintaining a friendship. Back in the pre-smartphone days, I was the one who had to call or write the letter. Even today, it’s still pretty much the same. I am the one who has to initiate the email or make the effort to keep a friendship going. Aside from my wife, I have to make the effort with every other relationship in my life.
As an introvert, we aren’t given much thought - probably because we are usually the quiet ones. It’s easy for us to be invisible to others. We are easily the odd ones out in any group setting and we are often pushed aside. I’m not accusing others of being mean, it’s just how it goes. I don’t think people do it intentionally.
When we speak we aren’t usually heard or we have to say something repeatedly to be heard. We don’t want to be the center of attention because that freaks us out but when we speak we do like to be heard. There was one evil person in my past life who would tell everyone else to be quiet because Milton had something to say. That is NOT the way to handle an introvert.
Introverts tend to keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves
We also will endure difficulties and hardships for a long time.
Many times we will go to extreme lengths to keep from hurting someone’s feelings.
Looking back on my development as an introvert, I see that I often sat back and watched people first so I can decide who was safe and how much I could do. Even now I find myself doing this. When I meet people for the first time, I am very reserved and hold back until I get to know someone. I will eventually come out of my shell. I will admit that sometimes with some people it is quite an effort to do this.
Over the years I have tried to fit in and be the person everyone else wants me to be but I was very miserable and unhappy in doing that. I finally realized that I can be who I am and there is nothing wrong with that. We have all developed differently through our experiences in life. People judge. That’s what they do. We can’t control that. The only thing we can do is to accept ourselves for who we are. Yes, we are the quiet ones and awkward in social settings but we are who we are. I have never been called “life of the party” or the one who was a part of the cliques but people who know me are the ones who know me.
So fellow introverts let’s celebrate who we are but don’t invite me to a party.
