A grudge is defined as "a feeling of ill will or deep resentment". Perhaps one of the easiest traps we all can fall into is the "grudge" trap. A simple disagreement can turn into something that lasts for years. It is quite sad sometimes because the longer it exists, it sprouts deep roots. It doesn't matter how much effort you put forth in having the right relationships with people, you are still going to encounter difficulties with grudges. Everybody will not get along with you.
Christian or not, a grudge can take root within you. Romans 12:18 instructs us that "if it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." This tells us that there are times we can do all that we can and that it is likely we could have people that we won't be able to live at peace with.
You might say: "So what? They did me wrong and I have a right to feel this way about them!" The truth is that you don't have a right to feel that way. Carrying a grudge against someone will hinder your relationship with God. Is it worth it? Besides, who does it really hurt when you have a grudge? The grudge hurts you more than it hurts the other person. It becomes a spiritual cancer that eats away at you on the inside. If it goes on long enough, it will also cause you physical problems too. Holding in the resentment causes problem for the person holding onto it.
David and Absalom carried a grudge which led to Absalom doing all he could to hurt his father and overthrowing David's kingdom. (2 Samuel 13-19) This resentment that Absalom eventually led him to his death. David tried to repair the relationship but nothing seemed to help. Paul and Barnabas had a
disagreement over Mark and parted ways; however it did not hinder their ministries. (Acts 15:36-41) Sometimes we find ourselves in that same position where nothing we do can make a difference. We can plead forgiveness or give someone chance after chance only to continue a cycle of an unhealthy relationship. Yes, we must try to live peaceably but when it doesn't happen, we can still have peace.
DEAL WITH IT
Okay, say you have problems with someone. What can you do to end the hostility? The first thing that should be attempted is simply dealing with the issues. The direct approach is usually the best and only way you can really resolve the resentment. The sooner, the better too. Don't resort to writing letters or just assume that the other person is supposed to make the first move. It doesn't matter who is at fault. An attempt MUST be made. You can live a lifetime expecting the "other" person to make the move. Deal with the issue as soon as possible. Allow each side to address the issues without further attacking
each other. If necessary, invite a third, neutral party to the meeting. Maybe a pastor or someone with spiritual maturity without partiality to one side or the other. Some type of mediator would be wise.
NO DEAL?
Sadly many people choose to avoid the issues altogether. They may give excuses that they can't handle confrontations or physically can't discuss the issues. That's a cop-out, even cowardly, reaction. If they cared enough, they would welcome the opportunity to come to the table and give it a try. The problem here is that you can't force the other person to deal with the issues. If you are robbed of this opportunity, you must still deal with the issues on your own. You have to get the grudge out of your own heart. How is this accomplished? Prayer and time spent with God. You must get to a place where you can forgive the other person with or without their cooperation. In addition to that, you must also get to a place where you can pray favorably for the other person as well. A prayer that God heap condemnation, fire and brimstone upon the other person so they will fall to their knees and grovel at your feet is NOT the prayer that God will honor. A prayer for the other person should be prayed that God will favor and love them. Pray that the other person will come into the knowledge of God. The point here is that if they get a right relationship with God, the chances are favorable that they will be reconciled to you. Regardless of what happens to the other person, you can only control your actions and attitudes.
IS THERE A GUARANTEE FOR RECONCILIATION?
Even when God responds to your prayers for the other person, there is no guarantee that you will achieve a reconciliation. That isn't sin. Sometimes you have to part ways in life to live peaceably. The same thing happened between Abraham and Lot. (Genesis 13) You can do this without resentment or
continuing a feud. You must keep a right attitude and mind. There may come a time with the other person may need to call upon you. When that time comes, you must not take that as an opportunity for revenge but reach out in love. The key to having spiritual power is this: overcoming evil with good. (Romans 12:21)
FORGIVING AND FORGETTING
People often say: "I can forgive but I can't forget." That statement cancels out the whole process of forgiveness. The point in forgiving and forgetting isn't that we won't remember the pain that someone has caused us but in our ability to not make the person continue to pay for the offense. I know of people that will "forget" a hurt until a new disagreement or issue occurs and they will reach back and pull out all those past hurts as ammunition to justify their position in the present situation. This is wrong. Drop it and let it go. You will never discover spiritual freedom in Christ until you can do that. Forgiveness isn't always going to "feel" good but it is a necessary step to take.
There are many times that I find myself approaching the Lord in my prayers asking for His help in getting over past hurts. I can't develop instant amnesia and totally forget what people have done to me. It may take several trips to the prayer closet to help me get over it. It isn't a one-time emotional feel good
experience.
No, it isn't easy but are you going to let a grudge keep you from a relationship with God? Is it really worth it? This is a bait that Satan enjoys to keep before us. If He can root an attitude of resentment, then He succeeds in blocking our relationship with God. If God can forgive us and show mercy to us, can't we afford others that same chance for frivolous things which begins the grudge in the first place? Seemingly, many people - including Christians - forget that it is by God's grace that they have been saved and not because of any good which they have done. (Eph. 2:8-9). Unfortunately many have a prideful spirit about themselves which can cause a person to be very unforgiving toward anyone who offends them or who does not do things the way they want them done. Every year family reunions have some of the family absent because of a grudge. It is a terrible thing for a person to go through life with the grudge.
If you have resentment in your heart toward someone you may feel justified for feeling the way you do. Perhaps you intend to make the other person pay by "freezing them out" of your life or waiting for you opportunity to take revenge. Our natural tendency is to "get even" and make the person feel worse than we did for our offense. That opportunity may or may not come. If it does, I assure you that it is a hollow victory. You won't hear the cheers of the crowd or points for life. The root of the grudge will only penetrate deeper and deeper. The only true victory is in the restoration of your life in Christ. The roots of resentment can be removed and a freedom can be experienced in your life more than the acts of revenge could ever fulfill. Instead of giving into the natural tendency of holding a grudge, resolve within yourself to react the opposite of your fleshly desires. In that, you will discover the key to spiritual power in your life.
You might say: "So what? They did me wrong and I have a right to feel this way about them!" The truth is that you don't have a right to feel that way. Carrying a grudge against someone will hinder your relationship with God. Is it worth it? Besides, who does it really hurt when you have a grudge? The grudge hurts you more than it hurts the other person. It becomes a spiritual cancer that eats away at you on the inside. If it goes on long enough, it will also cause you physical problems too. Holding in the resentment causes problem for the person holding onto it.
David and Absalom carried a grudge which led to Absalom doing all he could to hurt his father and overthrowing David's kingdom. (2 Samuel 13-19) This resentment that Absalom eventually led him to his death. David tried to repair the relationship but nothing seemed to help. Paul and Barnabas had a
disagreement over Mark and parted ways; however it did not hinder their ministries. (Acts 15:36-41) Sometimes we find ourselves in that same position where nothing we do can make a difference. We can plead forgiveness or give someone chance after chance only to continue a cycle of an unhealthy relationship. Yes, we must try to live peaceably but when it doesn't happen, we can still have peace.
DEAL WITH IT
Okay, say you have problems with someone. What can you do to end the hostility? The first thing that should be attempted is simply dealing with the issues. The direct approach is usually the best and only way you can really resolve the resentment. The sooner, the better too. Don't resort to writing letters or just assume that the other person is supposed to make the first move. It doesn't matter who is at fault. An attempt MUST be made. You can live a lifetime expecting the "other" person to make the move. Deal with the issue as soon as possible. Allow each side to address the issues without further attacking
each other. If necessary, invite a third, neutral party to the meeting. Maybe a pastor or someone with spiritual maturity without partiality to one side or the other. Some type of mediator would be wise.
NO DEAL?
Sadly many people choose to avoid the issues altogether. They may give excuses that they can't handle confrontations or physically can't discuss the issues. That's a cop-out, even cowardly, reaction. If they cared enough, they would welcome the opportunity to come to the table and give it a try. The problem here is that you can't force the other person to deal with the issues. If you are robbed of this opportunity, you must still deal with the issues on your own. You have to get the grudge out of your own heart. How is this accomplished? Prayer and time spent with God. You must get to a place where you can forgive the other person with or without their cooperation. In addition to that, you must also get to a place where you can pray favorably for the other person as well. A prayer that God heap condemnation, fire and brimstone upon the other person so they will fall to their knees and grovel at your feet is NOT the prayer that God will honor. A prayer for the other person should be prayed that God will favor and love them. Pray that the other person will come into the knowledge of God. The point here is that if they get a right relationship with God, the chances are favorable that they will be reconciled to you. Regardless of what happens to the other person, you can only control your actions and attitudes.
IS THERE A GUARANTEE FOR RECONCILIATION?
Even when God responds to your prayers for the other person, there is no guarantee that you will achieve a reconciliation. That isn't sin. Sometimes you have to part ways in life to live peaceably. The same thing happened between Abraham and Lot. (Genesis 13) You can do this without resentment or
continuing a feud. You must keep a right attitude and mind. There may come a time with the other person may need to call upon you. When that time comes, you must not take that as an opportunity for revenge but reach out in love. The key to having spiritual power is this: overcoming evil with good. (Romans 12:21)
FORGIVING AND FORGETTING
People often say: "I can forgive but I can't forget." That statement cancels out the whole process of forgiveness. The point in forgiving and forgetting isn't that we won't remember the pain that someone has caused us but in our ability to not make the person continue to pay for the offense. I know of people that will "forget" a hurt until a new disagreement or issue occurs and they will reach back and pull out all those past hurts as ammunition to justify their position in the present situation. This is wrong. Drop it and let it go. You will never discover spiritual freedom in Christ until you can do that. Forgiveness isn't always going to "feel" good but it is a necessary step to take.
There are many times that I find myself approaching the Lord in my prayers asking for His help in getting over past hurts. I can't develop instant amnesia and totally forget what people have done to me. It may take several trips to the prayer closet to help me get over it. It isn't a one-time emotional feel good
experience.
No, it isn't easy but are you going to let a grudge keep you from a relationship with God? Is it really worth it? This is a bait that Satan enjoys to keep before us. If He can root an attitude of resentment, then He succeeds in blocking our relationship with God. If God can forgive us and show mercy to us, can't we afford others that same chance for frivolous things which begins the grudge in the first place? Seemingly, many people - including Christians - forget that it is by God's grace that they have been saved and not because of any good which they have done. (Eph. 2:8-9). Unfortunately many have a prideful spirit about themselves which can cause a person to be very unforgiving toward anyone who offends them or who does not do things the way they want them done. Every year family reunions have some of the family absent because of a grudge. It is a terrible thing for a person to go through life with the grudge.
If you have resentment in your heart toward someone you may feel justified for feeling the way you do. Perhaps you intend to make the other person pay by "freezing them out" of your life or waiting for you opportunity to take revenge. Our natural tendency is to "get even" and make the person feel worse than we did for our offense. That opportunity may or may not come. If it does, I assure you that it is a hollow victory. You won't hear the cheers of the crowd or points for life. The root of the grudge will only penetrate deeper and deeper. The only true victory is in the restoration of your life in Christ. The roots of resentment can be removed and a freedom can be experienced in your life more than the acts of revenge could ever fulfill. Instead of giving into the natural tendency of holding a grudge, resolve within yourself to react the opposite of your fleshly desires. In that, you will discover the key to spiritual power in your life.
