The Navigator

It happened again. 

I never plan to do it.

Somehow In most any group situation, I end up being the one with the map, schedules, the folder and herding the group I am a part of.

I don’t know why I end up in this role. Some may say that I do it because I don’t trust anyone else to do it. They could be right.

Our went to a botanical garden recently, paid the admission and entered the gardens and there I was with the map and directing us which path to take. When I realized it I nudged my wife and we both laughed. Nobody asked me to do it. I just fell into it.

I am cursed.

Control freak? Perhaps.

I asked AI about this and the response was:

The person in a group who always has the map can be called a navigator. This term reflect the role's primary function of orienting the group and charting its course.

So I am the navigator of the group and will tell you where to go.

I remember in high school when I went with a group of friends to an amusement park that I was the one who had the park map and the only one in the group wearing a watch. I never realized that I was always this person.  Even on a family trip you will find me near the back of the group making sure everyone is herded in the right direction.  I'm not exactly sure why I am like this.

How is it that we seemingly fall into roles like this. Is it in our DNA?  Sometimes we just do things because they are just automatic to us. I wish I could just go somewhere and wonder aboit without a thought of direction but I can’t seem to help myself.

I guess we should embrace the roles we automatically fall into. There is obviously a reason we fall into these roles.

I'm not sure that I truly embrace my navigator role but it seems to be expected of me now and I hate to let people down.  There are some pros and cons about being the navigator.

Pros:

• You have a strong sense of direction.  You are reliable and able to guide people toward a desire destination.
• You have good planning and problem-solving skills.  Your friends and family trust your ability to organize the logistics.
• You have good intuition.  You often see potential challenges before they happen and can plan to avoid them.

Cons;

• You can feel the burden of the responsibility.  You feel solely responsible for the group's enjoyment.
• You are constantly expected to make decisions.
• You feel the burden that if you don't do it that no one will.
• It feels more like work and robs your own enjoyment of the event or activity.

Even writing a blog about this role I play still doesn't resolve it for me.  I know I will just automatically fall right back into navigating the next time.  I've done it so much that I wouldn't know how else to be so I must accept that's who I am.

R U Mad @ Me?

Are you mad at someone right now?

Do they know you are mad at them?

I know the feeling. I have been there and faced that dilemma when you are upset at someone but you weigh the decision whether to tell them or not. Telling them might blow things up worse than just allowing time for you to get over it.

It is a slippery slope. Keeping it to yourself opens a seriously risk of a permanent grudge to form against that person.

So do you tell or not tell or do you make some slight passive aggressive suggestions? Drop little hints or posts on social media. (Or write a blog about it).

I hate to admit it but I am usually the one who doesn’t tell. At times I can be a bit too sensitive and feel that I need to allow myself to just get over it than to make things worse with a confession to the offending party.

Basically I have to “eat it” and let it go. So how does that work for me? It leaves a bitter taste.

So we are left to making the difficult choice to confront the offender or get over it. Many times when we choose to confront the offender they get mad at us for being mad (I never understand this) or downplay our feelings. Some even get defensive. Rarely have I found that the other person owns up to what they have done and most of the time the offender is genuinely oblivious to the offense.

If we make the choice not to confront them, we have to find a way to get over it. In my older years I have realized how important it is to forgive quickly. I have gotten better at that part but still have difficulty with the forgetting part.  Once we forgive, we have to put distance from the offense so we can make it easier to forget it.

It is a dilemma indeed. We feel what we feel but we also must see the importance of keeping the peace. When you love people you give them the benefit of the doubt, you don’t keep score of offenses.

Many years ago I held something so long that it eventually exploded and I essentially dropped a nuclear bomb on a situation and quickly regretted it and lost a friendship in the process. Obviously I let something go on way too long.

If there is a lesson here, it is how timing is so important. Forgive quickly or confront quickly. The longer you hold the offense the more that negativity builds and grows until it becomes a grudge that takes anchor into your emotions.

I have dealt with this in my life.  Sadly I have experienced this with my own mother. She was good at holding grudges - even against me. When I would confront her about it, I would ask her why she never would give me the benefit of the doubt that I wouldn’t do something intentionally to hurt her. She let something build and add her own assumptions to it.  If we don't resolve issues within ourselves or with the offending party, we will add more "evidence" - real or imagined - against that person.

That’s what we do if we let something continue without dealing with it. Doing nothing resolves nothing.

Each situation is different and we have to carefully weigh the options of either getting over it or confronting the offender.  If possible, we should try to live a peace with everyone which means we try to navigate through how to do that.  If we don't, it will take away our own peace.

Make A Decision!

We make decisions every day.

Decisions can range from deciding what we are going to eat for dinner to major life changing decisions.

I know that I never enjoy making the difficult decisions. Most of us don’t. Making decisions is perhaps one of the most challenging things about being an adult.

What if we make the wrong decision?

Even when you have faith in God, He rarely tells us what we should do, and which decision is the right decision.

In the Bible when decisions needed to be made, they would cast lots. They actually cast lots to replace Judas as a disciple. (See Acts 1:23-26) Today we are discouraged from using this method because we have the Holy Spirit which is here to lead us and guide us in life. (See John 16:13) Even with the Holy Spirit, we can still make the wrong decision.

When we do we make the wrong decision, we can’t panic. Sometimes what looks like the wrong decision is the right one, but we don’t see it until we reflect back on it later.

When I have had absolute hard decisions to make, I have prayed and asked God to be direct. If He doesn’t give a clear answer, I just make the best decision I can based on what I know. That’s all you can do. I have had times when I have asked God that if He didn’t want me to make a decision to make it clear to me.

I used to stress a lot more about making the wrong decision, but I am learning that decisions are often like our dependence on GPS directions, if we make the wrong one, God will help us get back on track.

The best decision prayer to pray is to ask God about the decision you feel you should make but if it isn’t God’s will that He would close the door. Either He will make it clear, or He won’t. If you have prayed earnestly about it then that’s all you can do.

I hope I am not giving you the impression that I am good at this. I am not and always learning from my mistakes and impatience. I acknowledge that it isn’t an easy thing to do.

I have realized that when I get stressed about a decision, I make the best decision I can based on what I can see and trust God with the parts I can’t see.