I am not a father (directly) myself and my own father passed away in 2018.
I have never been a father. Timing and life circumstances passed me by. Several years ago, I became a stepfather and entered the lives of three children who were already adults, so I have become an extra person in their lives. They have a father, but I am glad I have been involved in their lives in some way.
Would I have been a good father if it had worked out?
I guess I will never know for sure.
I hope that I would have been a softer version of my own father. He was strict and distant. He mellowed out in later years, and I think we understood each other better during his final weeks.
My dad and I did have our father-son moments. We threw the baseball around, shot hoops and went to high school football games. I credit him the reason I got so involved in following Georgia High School football. I think I would have taken interest in my own child’s interests. I think that’s the kind of father I would have been.
Would I have been a patient father? I hope so.
Could I have been a positive male figure in a child’s life? I would have done my best to be one.
I would most definitely have stressed about money and providing for them.
I would have been proud of my child and supported them. I wouldn’t have put expectations on them to follow in my footsteps but blaze their own trail and encouraged them in pursuing their own dreams.
My father spent over 40 years as a preacher in a church organization which betrayed him after all of his years and sacrifices for his service. I never attempted to follow in his footsteps to become a preacher, and he was okay with that.
I would hope that if I had been a father that my children would have known without a doubt about my approval. They wouldn't have needed to question it or seek my approval. They would have had it unconditionally.
In my lifetime and in many capacities, I hope I have been a positive father-figure to others in some way.
Although I have not been a father, in recent years I have become a grandparent in lives of our grandchildren. I am known as “dude” and have had quite an experience in this role. I am not a major part of their lives and understandably I take a backseat to their first level grandparents, but I am glad to be an extra person in their lives too whether or not I am given much thought or credit for it.
My life has many strange twists and turns. I never would have expected to be here and in the role I am in today. Am I the perfect example of being a father, stepfather, dude or extra-dad? No, I am not. I don't know how to be a father, I can only be Milton. I try to be the best me that I can be. Some days it's just not good enough. Some days I manage it okay. I still have a lot to learn.
You don't have to be "blood-related" to be a father in someone's life. I may have not been a father in the traditional sense, but I have been honored to be an extra father at this time in my life.
