Life often gives us difficult things we have to manage and get through.
My cross has been a caregiver for someone who has cancer.
For the past six months, my wife has been receiving treatment for her cancer. It has been a slow and agonizing process. I wouldn’t wish this plight upon anyone. Nobody truly understands what is involved unless you’ve been through it.
When she was first diagnosed with cancer, there was genuine concern and those who thought since it was “treatable” that it would be easy. It has not been easy. I have spent endless days obsessing over platelet counts, temperatures, medications and transfusions.
Early on I was upset with people not helping but I had to realize that we have to get through this whether people help or not. You simply can’t worry about who’s helping or who’s not helping. It’s all about treatment and keeping her alive.
There have been moments that I haven’t been as strong as I wished I could be. I’ve been mad at the hospital staff for their lack of compassion or the Uber driver making us both sick on the drive to/from the treatments and many times I’ve just been plain mad.
I have learned that the only thing you can do is to trust the process and keep going.
The only thing worse than being the caregiver is being the one going through it themselves. Many times I would have gladly traded places with her. Let me be the one getting stuck in the arm for the transfusion and the seemingly endless treatments.
We have come a long way since March but with cancer, there is no deadline for it to be over. I don’t know how much further we will have to go, we just have to do it.
Of course I have relied on my faith during this time but honestly my faith has been pathetic at times. It’s easy to stand in a church building dancing to the praise and worship songs but another when you are sitting beside your wife as the platelets are being fed into her body. I had believed God would heal her but He’s apparently doing it His way. It’s not the fast or instant way either. That makes it hard to be strong and keep the faith.
Any fears I have I keep to myself. That’s the only way to manage it. Only God knows.
I know that I am not alone. We all go through things. We cling to whatever helps us to get through the difficult times in our lives.
Basically it comes down to trusting God and leaving the results to Him.
