Finding Your Place in the World

What am I supposed to do with my life?

Where do I fit in?

I’m sure we have all asked ourselves these questions at some point in our lives. 

I guess the first time I asked that question of my life was the summer between my junior and senior years of high school. I had no clue what I was going to do with my life. How is a 17-year old expected to know that? I certainly didn’t know the answer.  Many assumed that I would follow in the footsteps of my dad and become a preacher.  That was not my path. I did duplicate his life by making the decision to join the Air Force as he had done at the same age. So during that summer I entered the delayed enlistment program. The following summer just 22 days after I graduated, I left home to enter active duty. 

It has been a long journey since that day when I boarded a Greyhound bus in Savannah, Georgia.   When I look back on it now I see that I used the Air Force as a way to give myself time to figure out what I really wanted to do with my life. Being in the military wasn’t it. I’m thankful that God was patient with me and He guided my steps. I won’t tell you that I spent every day in prayer about it.  It wasn’t a burning bush or voice from heaven but It took me taking one step at a time.

I also went through a period where I was what I called “floundering” as I wanted to find God’s calling which I assumed was some type of ministry.  I was a youth director, Sunday School Teacher, Men’s Ministry Director, Media Minister and many other things.  None of those worked out for me. I always felt like I was trying to force myself to live the expectations of others.  I never could fully find satisfaction in those things because they weren’t who I was.  

I will be honest with you.  For most of my life I never felt that I fit in anywhere.  I have always been the outsider. The person who is pushed to the side.  Finding myself in a job or church or anything has proved to be an impossible quest.  

So what have I discovered?  I have discovered that the answer is not in any job title or church ministry.  The discovery is just to be myself and be the best that I can be.  Doing that brings freedom that you can simply just be who you are.  When you do that, other things will follow.  We just put too much pressure on ourselves to pursue what we are not when we can just be who we are.  

Sure, I still have those times when I fight the insecurities of being pushed to the side or ignored but in those times I have to remind myself that it’s okay to be me and that I don’t have to play a role.  To know who you are and being comfortable in your own being is amazing. 

During the course of my work life I have seen many coworkers who would strive to be the superstar.  I know because I was once that person.  When a person becomes a superstar, do you know what that gets them?  More work and even more is expected of them. You eventually get stretched thin to the point that there is nothing left to give.   

I would say to you that God has the same motto as the U.S. Army.  He simply wants you to be all you can be.  He has a purpose for us.  It isn’t some hidden riddle that is only revealed through a supernatural encounter.  He wants us to just be the best version of ourselves that we can be.  God helps us to find our place in this world by being our friend.   

I am eternally grateful for God’s gentle nudges to help me find my way. I have found my place in this world.  I’m not the best employee and I don’t have a worldwide ministry.  I can only be me and let God use what I have.  He doesn’t need superstars, He needs good people with integrity.  

Let’s Talk About The Ending

None of us like to think about “the end” and you won’t be a hit at parties for bringing up this subject.  Most people want to avoid talking about it but the reality is that there is no way we can avoid it.

So, in the end, what will matter most?

When we get to the end of our lives, what are the things that we wished we had done with our lives?  How would we have done things differently?

I recently read an article by Ashton Jackson who is an ex-caregiver for Hospice.  In the article (read here), he shares his experience of the regrets hospice patients have at the end of their lives.  

“I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Sadly many fall into the trap of living to please others.  We become driven by the expectations of others.  Why do we live our lives to make others happy when we are miserable?  I have done that and made the decision late in my life to change it.  Was it easy?  In many ways it was.  It was like being able to breathe and be free.  For me, it was worth it.  There is absolutely NO reason to stay prisoner in a life where you can’t be your true self.

“I wish I hadn't worked so hard.”

I don’t think anyone will wished they had spent more time at the office.  When I retired from my job, some wondered what they would do without me.  I told them that they would just hire someone else to replace me.  Most of us have to work to pay the bills - that’s the reality of life.  Some of us realize that we will always have to work but we must recognize the importance of balance.  According to a Harris Poll of 1,170 American workers, 78%  are currently forfeiting their vacation time and overextending themselves to get ahead professionally.

“I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.”

We often fear that people won’t accept us for who we are.  We want to fit in.  While we should feel free to express our feelings, we must also have balance.  This doesn’t give us a license to hate but filter our feelings so that we can express them in a diplomatic way.

“I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

During the course of my life I have learned that many friends are in our lives for a season.  They are there for a short time and then they are gone.  For whatever, reason we lose touch.  For me personally, it has always been one-sided where I was the one that had to make the effort to keep the friendship going.  If someone values your friendship, they will also do their part to keep in touch.  

“I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

This one depends on how we define “happiness”.  Happiness is not money or a job title.  If you can enjoy where you are and be content, then you can experience true happiness.  I have known people who thought that when they retired, they would be happy but when they retired there was something else they pursued to find their happiness.  Happiness is not a destination, it is within you.

The main thing we should all think about when faced with thought about “the end” is our eternal destiny.  For me, I have chosen to put my faith in Jesus and his resurrection and the promise that I would also have eternal life.  Many do not believe.  I can’t force you to believe.  You either believe or you don’t.  

We’re not comfortable thinking about “the end” but we should life our life today so that the end doesn’t leave us empty.  

The clock of life is wound but once,

And no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop.

At late or early hour,

To lose one’s wealth is sad indeed.

To lose one’s health is more.

To lose one’s soul is such a loss,

That no man can restore.

Why Does God Take So Long in Answering My Prayers?

I have prayed many prayers in my lifetime. I can tell you that most of the time my prayers weren’t answered immediately. I am NOT a patient person so this has always been difficult for me. I often wondered why God doesn’t answer prayers right away.

It was a year ago that I was abruptly cut from my job.  The next day I reached out to a contact with another company and I thought I was on my way to getting another job rather quickly.  It didn’t end up like that at all.  That call was followed by several delays and frustration.  I assumed that I KNEW this was going to work out but in the end, the timing led me to the company I am with today and it was a better opportunity than I had ever imagined.

I have learned that the reason God doesn’t always answer is because of timing. First of all, the reason that God doesn’t answer our prayers right away is - well - He’s God and we are not. He doesn’t take pleasure in making us wait but He sees the entire picture. We only see the results that we want but not the implications it will have on others. There is a butterfly effect on how our prayers are answered. The answers often have a ripple effect.

This is painfully true when you are prayers involve people. God isn’t going to force people to do anything. Our free will is the wildcard in the timing of our prayers being answered. There are so many connections involved which affect the outcome.

God's timing is the perfect moment when He has ordained for something to happen. It is not about our own timeline or desires. Instead, God's timing is rooted in His will and perfect plan. When we trust in God's timing, we can be sure He is working while we wait.

I know.  This makes my head hurt too but we tend to only look at the answers to our prayers selfishly and not from God’s perspective and how all things have to work together for His good - not ours. (Romans 8:28). Isaiah 55:8-9 also reminds us “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

God hears our prayers and He wants to answer them but there is a divine timetable which He doesn’t share with us. Our job is to pray, have faith and leave the results to Him.

If you’re like me, we can get impatient and sometimes we mess everything up by trying to make things happen ourselves instead of waiting on God. It must frustrate Him when we do this. We probably never realize how we may have delayed the answer to our prayers because we had to meddle.

God’s timing is crucial. We need to understand it and let Him make it happen according to His plan.

“Faith in God includes faith in God’s timing.”
Neal A. Maxwell