What If I Had Been a Father?

Tomorrow is Father’s Day.

I am not a father (directly) myself and my own father passed away in 2018.

I have never been a father. Timing and life circumstances passed me by. Several years ago, I became a stepfather and entered the lives of three children who were already adults, so I have become an extra person in their lives. They have a father, but I am glad I have been involved in their lives in some way.

Would I have been a good father if it had worked out?

I guess I will never know for sure.

I hope that I would have been a softer version of my own father. He was strict and distant. He mellowed out in later years, and I think we understood each other better during his final weeks.

My dad and I did have our father-son moments. We threw the baseball around, shot hoops and went to high school football games. I credit him the reason I got so involved in following Georgia High School football. I think I would have taken interest in my own child’s interests. I think that’s the kind of father I would have been.

Would I have been a patient father? I hope so.

Could I have been a positive male figure in a child’s life? I would have done my best to be one.

I would most definitely have stressed about money and providing for them.

I would have been proud of my child and supported them. I wouldn’t have put expectations on them to follow in my footsteps but blaze their own trail and encouraged them in pursuing their own dreams.

My father spent over 40 years as a preacher in a church organization which betrayed him after all of his years and sacrifices for his service. I never attempted to follow in his footsteps to become a preacher, and he was okay with that.

I would hope that if I had been a father that my children would have known without a doubt about my approval. They wouldn't have needed to question it or seek my approval. They would have had it unconditionally.

In my lifetime and in many capacities, I hope I have been a positive father-figure to others in some way.

Although I have not been a father, in recent years I have become a grandparent in lives of our grandchildren. I am known as “dude” and have had quite an experience in this role. I am not a major part of their lives and understandably I take a backseat to their first level grandparents, but I am glad to be an extra person in their lives too whether or not I am given much thought or credit for it.

My life has many strange twists and turns. I never would have expected to be here and in the role I am in today. Am I the perfect example of being a father, stepfather, dude or extra-dad? No, I am not. I don't know how to be a father, I can only be Milton. I try to be the best me that I can be. Some days it's just not good enough. Some days I manage it okay. I still have a lot to learn.

You don't have to be "blood-related" to be a father in someone's life. I may have not been a father in the traditional sense, but I have been honored to be an extra father at this time in my life.

I Need Help!

Almost a year ago half of our staff was cut. It was quite a shock. Still is. Those of us that were left had to take on the workload.

I won’t lie - it has been overwhelming. We need help.

I don’t like this situation at all. I didn’t have any choice but to step up and take this on. It has been hard but I have survived so far. It wasn’t something I expected nor wanted. I had no choice.

Have you ever gotten into a situation where you needed help?

It’s a terrible feeling to feel helpless.

I have to avoid looking at the big picture. Just take it one step at a time. One day at a time and even one hour at a time. Survive by celebrating the small victories when they happen.

Many days in my situation I have said “God please help me today. Make the complicated things easy for me today and give me favor.”

Right now, I don’t see help coming. I try not to stress about it. I can only do what I can do. Nothing more. It’s not the situation I want to be in but I’m in it until something changes.

People often say “This too shall pass” but it never seems comforting to me because it never passes fast enough for me.

I read the story about the soldiers of the 2nd Battalion of Princess Patricia's Canadian Light Infantry during the Korean War in 1951. They needed help and looked to have no hope as they were overwhelmed by Chinese forces.

For two days in April 1951, a battalion of roughly 700 Canadian troops (the 2nd Battalion of the Princess Patricia’s Canadian Light Infantry Regiment helped defend a crucial hill in the front lines of the Korean War against a force of about 5,000 Chinese soldiers. Besieged by waves of attackers, the Canadians held their position amid the horror of close combat until the assaulting force had been halted and the Canadians could be relieved.

At one point in the battle, 400 Chinese soldiers descended on a single Canadian company of roughly 100 men, but the attack was repelled. With his men securely entrenched below ground, company commander Captain J. G. W. Mills, desperate and overrun, decided to do something unorthodox, he called for an artillery strike on the position of his own platoon. He relayed the request from Lieutenant Mike Levy, who was hunkered down with his men in shallow foxholes on the hill. A battery of New Zealander guns obliged, firing 2,300 rounds of shells in less than an hour, destroying the Chinese forces on that position. Though the barrage landed just metres from Levy’s position, he and his men were unscathed.

We are helpless and hopeless until we’re not and figure our way out it. Sometimes it requires some unorthodox thinking. We can’t depend on help coming to us but somehow, we help ourselves.

In the Old Testament, David had returned home from battle with his men to discover that his town had been attacked while he was away. The town had been burned, and all the women and children had been taken. He felt helpless and the people made plans to stone him in their anger, but David strengthened himself in the Lord.

What is interesting about this is that it doesn’t tell us exactly HOW David strengthened himself nor does it give us a step-by-step plan to strengthen ourselves. The ability to get through some of the toughest things in life comes from figuring out a way to survive.

Tales of the Church: Wearing Shorts

As I get out the shorts for the first time this summer, I think back to the time in my life when wearing shorts was considered a “sin”.

Wearing shorts was a sin?

I grew up in a strict church organization which believed that the wearing of shorts was inappropriate for its members and was viewed as a sinful practice.

My dad was a pastor and was loyal to the church teachings so obviously we weren’t allowed to wear shorts. Our church denomination had something called the “Advice to Members” which stated that: “the wearing of shorts in public should never be practiced.”

We never practiced it - even during the blistering hot Georgia summers.

I once asked my parents why churches in other countries could wear shorts and we could not. I was told that it was part of their culture. I never bought that explanation. If they were part of our church how could they be allowed to wear shorts?

The shorts issue put me in a difficult situation one in high school. At the beginning of a semester, the gym teacher informed us that we would be required to wear uniforms for the class which included shorts.

My dad would have none of that.

He sent a letter to the principal stating that I was not allowed to wear shorts and should be exempt from the requirement. I was the only one in the class not wearing shorts. You can imagine the attention I got for that.

Wearing shorts is not a sin. I figured that out later.

It was quite odd in later years when I came across a photo where my dad was wearing shorts. It was weird considering how extremely strict he had been about it.

I don’t remember when I started wearing shorts but I never had a problem with it. It has been a matter of comfort not religion or abiding by some church “advice”. I also wear them in moderation and don’t go to the extreme either.

As an adult, I have had to relearn many things about the church and my relationship with God. I have learned that it doesn’t bother him if I wear shorts. He is more concerned about the condition of my heart than He is a church groups’ bylaws about wearing shorts.