When I Grow Up...

Remember when you were a child and you would say what you wanted to be when you grew up? I remember when I was asked that question that I would say I wanted to be an astronaut.  I grew up during the time of the Apollo Moon missions and was fascinated about anything to do with space.  

So how did it turn out?  I did not become an astronaut.

Today I am a Senior eDiscovery Analyst.

Don’t ask me to explain. That would take an entire blog.  

Where I am today is not where I thought I would end up in my life and the career I ended up with. In fact, the job I have today wasn’t even in existence when I was telling people that I wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up.

The closest I got to that declaration was joining the United States Air Force.

I never became a pilot either.

I was initially scheduled to be trained to be an Aircraft Armament Systems Specialist (bomb loader) but shortly after I began my enlistment I was informed that the career selection was no longer available for me. I had to pick another career path.

I have had an incredible journey of jobs and careers. I certainly would have never thought I would have ended up where I am today.

Here is where my job path has taken me since having to choose another career path that day in the Air Force Personnel Office:

• Administrative Specialist 
• Military Postal Clerk 
• Administrative Specialist 
• Private Investigator 
• Legal Assistant 
• Computer Assistant 
• Information Technology Specialist 
• Litigation Technology Specialist 
• eDiscovery Specialist 

It has been a crazy path that I have been on. I actually retired from my government service a few years ago but I continue to work because we still have to live to pay the bills. However, now the difference now is that I am not pursuing a career. I have had my career. 

Here are some of the best and worst things from my work life:

Favorite job:  Part-time sportswriter.  Nothing comes close to the fun I had when I took on a second job in the mid-90s working part-time at a local newspaper.  It was hard work but I loved it.  I might have taken that route if they would have hired me full-time.  

Worst job: Military Postal Clerk.  I now understand how someone can “go postal” because I spent one year working in the post office and I hated it.  I volunteered for a remote assignment at Thule Air Base in Greenland to work in the post office.  Not only was it a terrible job, but we were short-handed during the time I was there.   

Best boss: My current one.  We call him “Nemo” (as in Captain Nemo).  He’s the first supervisor I have had that really understands what I do and he’s got our back.  He’s not a micro-manager either which is perfect for me.    

Worst boss: She will remain nameless.  This person was very erratic.  I never knew which version I would get each day.  Once she told us that she wanted our division to show some initiative in doing our jobs.  When I did she totally berated me in front of my co-workers during a staff meeting.  It was the only time anyone made me cry on the job.  

My favorite moments were when our legal team got a favorable verdict in a trial.

My worst moments were when myself or my fellow coworkers were cut.  I have experienced both and it is quite a bitter experience.  

The strangest job interview I ever had was when I was told by the interviewer that they needed to hire a minority for the job I was applying for.  I couldn’t believe they could do that, but he said he wanted to just be honest with me.

The most shocking moment happened when I once applied for a job in Pensacola, Florida.  I knew someone on the interview panel.  He talked me into applying.  Interview went well and I was sure I was going to get the job.  I wasn’t offered the job.  It was a punch in the gut.  

Do I still wish I could be an astronaut? No, but if Katy Perry can be one then….

I have been tormented by difficult supervisors and co-workers. I have also had some of the best. 

 
I will be honest and say that there are some days I am tired of working a job. It annoys me that retirement doesn’t pay enough to live on. I will probably be working the rest of my life as long as I am able to work.  

With 43 years of work experiences, I have some advice for you from lessons I have learned - some learned the hard way:

Be your best. Don’t try to compete with someone else.  Just do what you do best.  There were many times I found myself replacing someone on a job.  In Nashville, I constantly heard "Marcia did it this way..." or "Marcia would do this..."  Finally, one day I had had enough.  I made it known that I knew how to do my job and would do it MY way from that day forward.

Do more than what is expected.  Don't settle to just do your job but be the kind of employee that goes above and beyond what is asked.  

Endure the difficult times. They won’t last.   There will always be unpleasant parts to the job.  Most of the time you can't take a shortcut around it.  Take a deep breath and press through it.  I once had the entire responsibility of the IT staff on me because the staff had left.  It was hard and people were demanding with no mercy on the situation I was in.  I had to take one day at a time until relief came.

Expect the difficult times.  As I mentioned above, there will always be unpleasant parts to the job.  You have to expect it and, if possible, prepare for it.  Try to take pre-emptive measures to deal with the difficult times.

Don’t friend coworkers on social media.  Trust me, you will get burned by your social media posts.  Your co-workers don't need to know everything about you.

If coworkers gossip about others around you, then they will gossip about you to others.  It burns when you overhear gossip about you.  People will talk.  Don't get involved in it.  

Limit social events. You don’t get paid to socialize; you get paid to do your job.  I know this sounds like I'm being anti-social, but I am giving you some good advice here.  Don't join in on the office parties and social events.  

Have integrity and always be a professional.  People will respect you more if you set boundaries and remain consistent in your behavior.

Share your knowledge.  Teaching and training others will take the pressure off of you. Don't be intimidated by people knowing what you know.

 
If you get a raise or bonus don’t talk openly about around your car or in your house.   This was some strange advice I received from a former supervisor, and she was right.  Oddly enough, your house and car will want part (or all) of your extra funds.

Work life balance?  Unlimited PTO?  Take-the-time-you-need?  It is not what you think and you will learn about the strings which are attached to these.  The balance still leans toward the work than it does life.  A four-day workweek would be a better balance, but most companies are slow to embrace this.

No doubt I have done a lot and seen a lot during my years of work. Some days I honestly get tired of working but I really don't see true retirement because you can't maintain your life on retirement pay.  Don't depend on some fantasy about retiring because it's just not reality.

I didn't become an astronaut, but I have had an interesting work life.  

The REAL You

Who are you?

Do you really know?

It’s a scary question to most people.

With social media, people can easily represent the person they want others to see.

What does your Instagram or Facebook page say about you?  But is that the REAL you?

Facing ourselves is scary.

What about the people around you?  Can you really be yourself around them?

I will admit that there are many days that I don’t like the real me. There are some days it’s just not easy being me. I’m not one who has ever been overly confident but in recent years I have learned to be content with myself. The real me.

Now I am far from perfect but I recognize who I really am and know my place.

I am never the attention-seeker nor the life of the party.  I would never be comfortable with that position. I am usually the quiet one and will participate when I find my spots but mostly I blend into the background. I’m okay with that role more now than I used to be. I’m usually not given much of a thought but I have become okay with that.

The key to being the real you is to be honest with yourself about you.

For a majority of my life I didn’t like who I was. I had a very low self-esteem and was very sensitive to what people thought of me. My life was ruled by doing things so people would not make fun of me. It was a very frustrating existence for a long time. I wasted so many years consumed with this.

So what changed me?

I had to change my thinking and I also changed my life. Several years ago I made a drastic change and I met someone who made me a better person. I finally found someone who liked the real me. I found confidence in that and my life changed from that day forward.

You have to stop trying to please people. That is the number one thing to liking who you are. When I was going through my “change” I watched a new Robin Hood movie and in the movie Robin Hood’s father asked his son “are you ready to be who you are?”

We have to ask that question and then make the commitment to be who we are and not what others want us to be. My life had been driven by a life where I spent so much time trying to please everyone else yet I was the one who was miserable because I wasn’t pleasing me. I know that sounds selfish but at some point you need to put yourself first otherwise you will just stuff all of the expectations down inside and live a miserable life.

I still have some moments when I find myself sliding back into those old thoughts and feelings. I have learned to not stay there and shake away that feeling. I’m not going back there. Never again.

The most important thing I have learned is to just be the best version of you that you can be. Don’t compete with others. Just be who you are. Don’t let others dictate who you are.

With about 99% of the friends and family in my life, I have always had to be the one who kept the relationship going. I always have to initiate the communication. I am always the one who has to make the effort. I have concluded that I don’t HAVE to do that. If someone wants to be in your life they will. I no longer let that inequity affect who I am. You are only important many people when they need something. It’s time to just admit the painful truth and accept it for what it is. Just take what you get. Don’t take offense to things you can’t control.

I am far from perfect. I still get moody and have days when I simply don’t get it right. Those days will happen. I lose my temper and say things I shouldn’t but I don’t let the bad moments define me.

Life is too short to live frustrated that you can’t be yourself.

Find yourself.
Be yourself.
Love yourself…the REAL you!

The Changes of Life

Life changes you.

We all walk the pathway of our lives wherever it leads us.

Pain changes us.
Loss changes us.
People change us.

Our choices change us. There are times we are forced to go into a direction we hadn’t intended to go.

I remember the times when I would attend a family reunion after many years and someone would say how they loved me but I was quick to remind them that they don’t really know me. I wasn't the same Milton they knew as a child. Too many years had passed. I was not the same person they remembered.

I’m not the same person I was in high school either. Our yearbook photo freezes us in time. I don’t recognize the naive younger version of myself.

I’m not even the same person I was just 15 years ago.

I would like to tell you that I have always made the right decision in the choices I have made but I haven’t. No one can truly say that because we can't always know what is ahead of us. We all just do the best that we can. We can only make choices based on the information we know. We can’t know what we don’t know.

I used to stress out about making the absolute perfect decision and worried about make the wrong one until I realized that even if I make the wrong decision, God will work it out and get us where we need to be. He said that He works ALL things together for good. Sometimes it doesn't seem good but I have learned that many, many times we don't see it until we are able to look back. As humans, we can only make the best decision we can based upon what we know. We can let ourselves be tormented about what ifs.

If we think that in our present situation that we are in it due to the result of a wrong choice what do we do?

We make the best of it until we can change it.

We all have endured pain and sometimes we have caused it. We are not perfect.

I wish I could go back and visit the younger me and tell him what was coming. Chances are that he wouldn’t believe me. I can hardly believe it now.

Life changes us whether we want it to or not. We can’t have it all figured out. We don’t have the luxury of seeing the big picture. We can only see what is in front of us. Just take one step at a time and one day at a time.