Can We Talk?

There are times in our lives when we need someone to talk to. We all go through things. Sometimes we are in a dark place and we reach the point when we need to reach out to someone.

I was in that place once and it took all I could to make the decision to talk to someone about it. When I made the attempt to open up, I noticed the person looking at his watch repeatedly. It was clear to me that he had some place to go. I let him go. I never approached him again.

This came at a pivotal time in my life. I made decisions and I pressed on.

I often look back on that moment in that parking lot and wonder if I am ever too busy for someone who needs to talk. Sometimes people simply need to vent. They don’t need judgment. If someone thinks enough of us to talk to about something important, we should feel honored and take it seriously.

We should make time to listen to someone and value their feelings. We should never belittle them or make them feel as if our time is too valuable to listen. Trust is a precious gift. When someone confides in you, it is a sign of respect. Your friend is saying "I believe you are trust worthy enough to take care of my inner most feelings". Therefore do everything possible not to damage that trust. Do everything possible to help them keep feeling safe with you.

I have been fortunate to have had people confide in me. I have tried to give advice or support. I hope that I have made myself available enough for someone needing to talk.

There are times in all of our lives that we need someone to talk to.

Here are some important tips for when someone wants to talk to you:

Make time. Even if you can’t do it then, make a solid commitment for the earliest time to do it.

Listen carefully without judgment. Be sure you listen and not just waiting for them to finish so you can talk.

Ask questions. Seek to obtain information to help you better understand what the person is feeling.

Stay calm. You may or may not like what you hear but be patient and try to empathize.

Explore solutions together.  Maybe you have find a similar situation in your experience to relate to what they are going through.

Seek professional help if necessary.  We don't always have the answers someone needs.  Sometimes the issues are very serious where a trained professional is needed.

Maintain confidentiality. Don’t be a gossip. If someone tells you something in confidence, keep it to yourself.

I don’t think I will ever forget that time in that parking lot where my issue was blown off. I hope I never make any go through that same feeling.

The month of September is suicide prevention month. There are people around us who are hurting. People matter. Our time with them is important and we should value their feelings.  Make the time to listen.

Dealing with Delays and Unanswered Prayers

Have you ever been delayed before?

I’m sure it has happened to all of us in some way. Maybe it was a flight or something you were waiting to happen. Most of us don’t like delays. I know I don't. I like things to go as planned. Delays are often unexpected and unplanned.

There are times that God answers our prayers with a delay. It isn’t a yes or no answer but just a delay.

The problem we have with this is that He doesn’t tell us that it is a delay. It sure would be nice if He would. I know it would calm me down.

Too many times I make the mistake of assuming an unanswered prayer as being a “no” when it is really more of a delay.

With God it is about timing. Sure, He can do whatever He wants whenever He wants to do it but He’s not going to force us to do anything we don’t want to do. In our lives, His will works through people and circumstances.

When I was unexpectedly released from my previous job, I reached out to a contact in another company. I was sure it was going to work out and it seemed like the situation was going to be resolved but they kept delaying things. I got really frustrated and panicked a bit over it. Right before they decided to take action, another job recruiter called me and I eventually ended up being hired by another company and for a much higher salary than I had expected.

The delay was God’s timing to line up the situation for me.

This wasn't the first time that God’s delay ended up being an answered prayer for me.

It usually isn’t until after you’ve been through something like this that you can look back on it and see that it was a divine delay.

God’s timing is very important and we must have a strong faith and extreme patience to hold on during the delays. It’s not always easy but it is amazing when you have remained faith and rewarded.

I can’t tell you how many times I have gotten impatient and tried to force things to work in my own way. The result has been that I messed things up and it either took way longer or I missed out completely. We can definitely mess up God’s plan to answer our prayers. Although He can fix our mess, it would be better if we do a better job to let Him do it.

I still remember many years ago when I was trying to get into my current career field, I interviewed but one of the supervisors told me point blank that I wasn’t going to get the job. I was crushed. I went home totally devastated. However, when I went into the office the next day our agency had a hiring freeze and I eventually got the position months later when the freeze was lifted.

These and other examples are not mere coincidences, it is God working in my life. I am nobody special. I’m not a preacher or claim to have any special insight to God. I just pray and trust Him to work things out. He always works it out. Sometimes it may not seem like He does but it takes faith whether we ever see the results or not.

Delays aren't fun but sometimes necessary for God to put things into place to get us to where we need to be.

The Navigator

It happened again. 

I never plan to do it.

Somehow In most any group situation, I end up being the one with the map, schedules, the folder and herding the group I am a part of.

I don’t know why I end up in this role. Some may say that I do it because I don’t trust anyone else to do it. They could be right.

Our went to a botanical garden recently, paid the admission and entered the gardens and there I was with the map and directing us which path to take. When I realized it I nudged my wife and we both laughed. Nobody asked me to do it. I just fell into it.

I am cursed.

Control freak? Perhaps.

I asked AI about this and the response was:

The person in a group who always has the map can be called a navigator. This term reflect the role's primary function of orienting the group and charting its course.

So I am the navigator of the group and will tell you where to go.

I remember in high school when I went with a group of friends to an amusement park that I was the one who had the park map and the only one in the group wearing a watch. I never realized that I was always this person.  Even on a family trip you will find me near the back of the group making sure everyone is herded in the right direction.  I'm not exactly sure why I am like this.

How is it that we seemingly fall into roles like this. Is it in our DNA?  Sometimes we just do things because they are just automatic to us. I wish I could just go somewhere and wonder aboit without a thought of direction but I can’t seem to help myself.

I guess we should embrace the roles we automatically fall into. There is obviously a reason we fall into these roles.

I'm not sure that I truly embrace my navigator role but it seems to be expected of me now and I hate to let people down.  There are some pros and cons about being the navigator.

Pros:

• You have a strong sense of direction.  You are reliable and able to guide people toward a desire destination.
• You have good planning and problem-solving skills.  Your friends and family trust your ability to organize the logistics.
• You have good intuition.  You often see potential challenges before they happen and can plan to avoid them.

Cons;

• You can feel the burden of the responsibility.  You feel solely responsible for the group's enjoyment.
• You are constantly expected to make decisions.
• You feel the burden that if you don't do it that no one will.
• It feels more like work and robs your own enjoyment of the event or activity.

Even writing a blog about this role I play still doesn't resolve it for me.  I know I will just automatically fall right back into navigating the next time.  I've done it so much that I wouldn't know how else to be so I must accept that's who I am.