Getting the Grudge Out

The very sound of the word "grudge" sounds like something greasy and grimey. 

A grudge is defined as "a feeling of ill will or deep resentment". Perhaps one of the easiest traps we all can fall into is the "grudge" trap. A simple disagreement can turn into something that lasts for years. It is quite sad sometimes because the longer it exists, it sprouts deep roots. It doesn't matter how much effort you put forth in having the right relationships with people, you are still going to encounter difficulties with grudges. Everybody will not get along with you.

Christian or not, a grudge can take root within you. Romans 12:18 instructs us that "if it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." This tells us that there are times we can do all that we can and that it is likely we could have people that we won't be able to live at peace with.

You might say: "So what? They did me wrong and I have a right to feel this way about them!" The truth is that you don't have a right to feel that way. Carrying a grudge against someone will hinder your relationship with God. Is it worth it? Besides, who does it really hurt when you have a grudge? The grudge hurts you more than it hurts the other person. It becomes a spiritual cancer that eats away at you on the inside. If it goes on long enough, it will also cause you physical problems too. Holding in the resentment causes problem for the person holding onto it.

David and Absalom carried a grudge which led to Absalom doing all he could to hurt his father and overthrowing David's kingdom. (2 Samuel 13-19) This resentment that Absalom eventually led him to his death. David tried to repair the relationship but nothing seemed to help. Paul and Barnabas had a
disagreement over Mark and parted ways; however it did not hinder their ministries. (Acts 15:36-41) Sometimes we find ourselves in that same position where nothing we do can make a difference. We can plead forgiveness or give someone chance after chance only to continue a cycle of an unhealthy relationship. Yes, we must try to live peaceably but when it doesn't happen, we can still have peace.

DEAL WITH IT
Okay, say you have problems with someone. What can you do to end the hostility? The first thing that should be attempted is simply dealing with the issues. The direct approach is usually the best and only way you can really resolve the resentment. The sooner, the better too. Don't resort to writing letters or just assume that the other person is supposed to make the first move. It doesn't matter who is at fault. An attempt MUST be made. You can live a lifetime expecting the "other" person to make the move. Deal with the issue as soon as possible. Allow each side to address the issues without further attacking
each other. If necessary, invite a third, neutral party to the meeting. Maybe a pastor or someone with spiritual maturity without partiality to one side or the other. Some type of mediator would be wise.

NO DEAL?
Sadly many people choose to avoid the issues altogether. They may give excuses that they can't handle confrontations or physically can't discuss the issues. That's a cop-out, even cowardly, reaction. If they cared enough, they would welcome the opportunity to come to the table and give it a try. The problem here is that you can't force the other person to deal with the issues. If you are robbed of this opportunity, you must still deal with the issues on your own. You have to get the grudge out of your own heart. How is this accomplished? Prayer and time spent with God. You must get to a place where you can forgive the other person with or without their cooperation. In addition to that, you must also get to a place where you can pray favorably for the other person as well. A prayer that God heap condemnation, fire and brimstone upon the other person so they will fall to their knees and grovel at your feet is NOT the prayer that God will honor. A prayer for the other person should be prayed that God will favor and love them. Pray that the other person will come into the knowledge of God. The point here is that if they get a right relationship with God, the chances are favorable that they will be reconciled to you. Regardless of what happens to the other person, you can only control your actions and attitudes.

IS THERE A GUARANTEE FOR RECONCILIATION?
Even when God responds to your prayers for the other person, there is no guarantee that you will achieve a reconciliation. That isn't sin. Sometimes you have to part ways in life to live peaceably. The same thing happened between Abraham and Lot. (Genesis 13) You can do this without resentment or
continuing a feud. You must keep a right attitude and mind. There may come a time with the other person may need to call upon you. When that time comes, you must not take that as an opportunity for revenge but reach out in love. The key to having spiritual power is this: overcoming evil with good. (Romans 12:21)

FORGIVING AND FORGETTING
People often say: "I can forgive but I can't forget." That statement cancels out the whole process of forgiveness. The point in forgiving and forgetting isn't that we won't remember the pain that someone has caused us but in our ability to not make the person continue to pay for the offense. I know of people that will "forget" a hurt until a new disagreement or issue occurs and they will reach back and pull out all those past hurts as ammunition to justify their position in the present situation. This is wrong. Drop it and let it go. You will never discover spiritual freedom in Christ until you can do that. Forgiveness isn't always going to "feel" good but it is a necessary step to take.

There are many times that I find myself approaching the Lord in my prayers asking for His help in getting over past hurts. I can't develop instant amnesia and totally forget what people have done to me. It may take several trips to the prayer closet to help me get over it. It isn't a one-time emotional feel good
experience.

No, it isn't easy but are you going to let a grudge keep you from a relationship with God? Is it really worth it? This is a bait that Satan enjoys to keep before us. If He can root an attitude of resentment, then He succeeds in blocking our relationship with God. If God can forgive us and show mercy to us, can't we afford others that same chance for frivolous things which begins the grudge in the first place? Seemingly, many people - including Christians - forget that it is by God's grace that they have been saved and not because of any good which they have done. (Eph. 2:8-9). Unfortunately many have a prideful spirit about themselves which can cause a person to be very unforgiving toward anyone who offends them or who does not do things the way they want them done. Every year family reunions have some of the family absent because of a grudge. It is a terrible thing for a person to go through life with the grudge.

If you have resentment in your heart toward someone you may feel justified for feeling the way you do. Perhaps you intend to make the other person pay by "freezing them out" of your life or waiting for you opportunity to take revenge.  Our natural tendency is to "get even" and make the person feel worse than we did for our offense. That opportunity may or may not come. If it does, I assure you that it is a hollow victory. You won't hear the cheers of the crowd or points for life. The root of the grudge will only penetrate deeper and deeper. The only true victory is in the restoration of your life in Christ. The roots of resentment can be removed and a freedom can be experienced in your life more than the acts of revenge could ever fulfill. Instead of giving into the natural tendency of holding a grudge, resolve within yourself to react the opposite of your fleshly desires. In that, you will discover the key to spiritual power in your life.

Turning Over the Pews

There was a time during the life of Jesus when He got really mad.  So mad that He lost it in the temple.  Why did Jesus become angry?  He saw that the temple had turned into a "den of robbers" where people were greedy in their sale of animals for sacrifice and the money changers were set up in the Court of Gentiles preventing non-Jews from coming to worship God.  The greed and exploitation of worshippers by the merchants was defiling a holy place.

I think Jesus needs to get whip back out and overturn the pews in churches in America today.  Churches have turned into a place of politics.  I’m tired of how politics have infected Christianity.  I'm not casting a blanket over all churches but you could agree with me that there are way too many churches concerned about political agendas.  

I don't attend church anymore.  I haven't since 2010 when I left the church organization I had belonged to all my life.  I won't say that I will never be involved in a church again but at this point I don't see it happening. I certainly don’t know how I could do it today with the influence politics has on it now.

I didn't leave church because of politics.  Why did I leave the church? There is a long story but I will save that for another time. The short answer is that every Sunday I was more miserable and frustrated with my life after I left church than when I arrived. Something had to change. I had to change. 

I left the church but I didn’t leave God. My personal relationship with God grew stronger and remains strong.  I have become very disgusted with the American church today and how politics has perverted the reason churches exist in the first place.

I am very careful who I listen to now and not be taken away by a preachers opinion or how they slant the truth. Honestly I read or listen to my audio Bible more than listening to any preaching. We are living in the times when we must fight to hold onto the truth.

A church should NEVER tell you that you can't be a Republican or Democrat to be a Christian.  It's not about that.  The church needs a good shaking back to the main thing again and it's not who is the president.  

Preachers are slanting the gospel to politics.  The Bible tells us that "we are no longer children, tossed around by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine by human cunning by craftiness and deceitful schemes." (Ephesians 4:14)

Tell me that we aren't seeing these "deceitful schemes" being played out today?    

We are in a time where we have to  “work out our own salvation” now and we must be careful what we see, hear and scroll. 

If Jesus were going through many churches today, He would be saying "My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations but you have made it a den of politics and hate."  

The church should be a place of safety for all. A place where the human rights and civil rights of all are affirmed and defended inside and outside the walls of the church. If the call for justice and advocacy for “the least of these” is the action that deems us political and involved in politics, may the church always be that! Silence in the face of tyranny and oppression is antithetical to the prophetic call to seek justice.

Ignoring the hungry, the poor, the unhoused, the uneducated, the undereducated, the sick, the anxious, and those whose very existence is threatened by injustice is to deny the example set by the ministry of Jesus who spoke out against the empire of his day and against the religious leaders who had the power and position as they contributed to the oppression of the people. Jesus had a lot to say about the religious elite who cozied up to the emperor and the empire while collecting temple taxes and tithes.

Preaching politics is something that some pastors have chosen to do.  The problem is that if you are more identified with your politics than your preaching of the Word of God, then people will often come to you for your preaching on politics rather than your preaching of the Word of God.  We don't need a Bible with the Constitution or even the American flag in it.  

I would urge you to resist the current pull of politics and make it about the main thing again. The main thing is this: “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Fall Adventure in Mystic and Newport

My wife and I celebrated our 14th anniversary last week.  We decided to go on a trip to Mystic, Connecticut and Newport, Rhode Island.  My wife has always wanted to visit Mystic since we have been together, and we both have hoped to explore the New England coast at some point in our lives.  Yes, we are old-ER now and enjoy some "leave peeping" during the fall.  Our drive into Connecticut was full of trees with colors bursting of the fall season.

Mystic is a nice, small city on the coast of Connecticut.  Yes, this is the place where the 1988 movie Mystic Pizza starring Julia Roberts was filmed.  We did partake of the famous pizza, and it wasn't too bad.  Oddly enough, we were there on the 37th anniversary of when the movie was released.  We didn't know it until later in the day.  We enjoyed walking through the shops along the main street in Mystic.  Mostly your typical tourist stores.  We enjoyed views of the Mystic Bay and walking the short boardwalk.  A short drive from the downtown area was "Old Mystic Village" which featured more shops and restaurants which we explored and couldn't resist the temptation of making a few purchases.  Next to the village is the Mystic Aquarium.  The aquarium has an awesome Beluga Whale exhibit, and the keepers were eager to talk about them.  We stood at the tank for a long time enjoying these beautiful creatures.  We also enjoyed the seal/sea lion exhibit and the main gallery.  We were disappointed that the penguin exhibit was closed during our visit, but we still enjoyed our time there.   

We were in Mystic on Monday and Tuesday of our week so there were barely any crowds; however, we stopped back in Mystic on our trip home on Saturday and the crowds were overwhelming.  It reminded me of Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge crowds on a weekend.  

Newport wasn't a planned destination.  We were going to stop there on our way to Cape Cod, but we stopped in this Rhode Island city on the coast and loved it.   My wife and I love water, and the harbor/ocean views were absolutely amazing.  We are in love with this place now.  Newport was an unexpected surprise.  We stayed at the Brenton Hotel and had an amazing water view of the harbor.  There were many streets of shopping, food, museums and history.  We also toured three of the Newport Mansions.  The tours of The Breakers, Rosecliff and The Elms was amazing.  If you ever go to Newport, you need to tour The Breakers mansion which just totally blew us away.  Millionaires built these mansions as their summer homes and spared no expense.  Our favorite location was Brenton Point State Park where we parked and enjoyed the water view of the Atlantic Ocean.  We stopped here at least three times on our visit.  Just amazing views of the water, sail boats and waves crashing against the rocks.  

If you are planning to visit either of these places, I will warn you that it is expensive for lodging and food.  It was a lot more than we were expecting but we worked it out and enjoyed our visits.  It was a very nice adventure for us.  We also got a peek at Taylor Swift's mansion near Westerly, Rhode Island on a drive from Mystic to Newport.  

Our adventure was an ideal fall trip to celebrate our 14th anniversary.  Mystic was magical and Newport was an unexpected surprise.