A Scared Trust

Right now, as I write this, I have this scared feeling in my stomach.   I am currently unemployed and I don't know what's going to happen and it scares me to death.  I have only one legitimate possibility but I am not 100% sure it will work out.

So here I am with a "scared" trust.  I thought it was interesting how switching two letters are the difference in "scared" and "sacred".  

The word sacred means to be connected with God.  And we know what scared means.

So, can we be connected with God and scared at the same time?

I do trust God it's just difficult to be in a place where you don't know how things are going to work out during times of being scared.  It's easy to quote Bible verses like "though He slay me, yet will I trust in him" or "trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding" until you are actually going through these times.   

I don't like the scared feeling but that's where I am right now.  

Having faith that God is going to work everything out doesn't mean you won't be scared.  I can't tell you how many times I have had to remind myself that I need to trust what God is doing and in His timing.  It's not an easy time.  I have also said that I don't like waiting.  Patience isn't always my best attribute.  I also remind myself of how God has worked in my life in the past and I know that this current time will be another example I will be able to add to that history of sacred times He has guided me while I was scared.

I think one of the things to do during these times is just to be honest with God about how you feel.  I mean, He already knows anyway.  Don't try to be religious about it and act like you aren't scared.  Sometimes all I can pray is "God please help me".  There's nothing elaborate about that prayer but it is straight from my soul.   

No matter what the circumstance is, if we suffer loss, lose our job, or our car breaks down, and we don’t know what we’re going to do, it’s in those moments that we need to trust God no matter what happens. We may not see the outcome yet, or know what to do, but we can trust that God sees the bigger picture. His solution is better than anything that we can think of or imagine right now.  It's hard to see that where I am right now but I look forward to the time I can write about where I am when I get to the other side of this time.

I don't have any cute tips or steps on how to navigate through these times in life.  I don't know why the company I was working for decided to cut me without warning.  I don't know why we struggle with fear, doubt, anxiety and uncertainty.  My refuge is God and I have learned how to trust God when I'm scared and uncertain.  He's having to carry me during this time because I don't know where I'm going.

I recently came across this writing I have kept from a week I spent at a Cistercian Monastery several years ago.  It was written by Thomas Merton.

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does, in fact, please you.

And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore, I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Although I am scared, I am not in this alone.